After a traumatic loss, like the death of someone we love, it can be tempting to avoid the hard work of grieving. Instead of facing that pain, people often try to numb it through drugs, alcohol or acting out. Others throw themselves into distractions, anything to avoid what’s really going on underneath. For today’s guest on Grieving Out Loud, Hakeem Bourne McFarlane, that outlet was sports.
After his younger brother died from cancer at just six years old, Hakeem poured everything he had into athletics. On the surface, it looked like a positive path forward. But he says it was really a way to avoid his grief. Along the way, he also put intense, and ultimately unhealthy, pressure on himself to succeed in his brother’s name.
But what happens when the thing you’ve been using to hold it all together suddenly disappears? The grief is still there, and now there’s nothing left to outrun it.
In this episode, Hakeem shares how an injury and substance use pulled him away from sports, forcing him to finally confront the pain he had been carrying for years. Now, he’s using that experience to help hundreds of others rebuild their lives through small, consistent steps and accountability.
Learn more and explore Hakeem’s website here.
Related episodes:
- How to Live With Grief, Not Be Defined By It
- When Men Don’t Cry: Confronting the Culture of Silent Grief
- Coping With Grief and Choosing Life After Tragedy
MEET THE GUEST
Hakeem Bourne Mcfarlane
Hakeem Bourne McFarlane is a speaker, author, and creator of the Choose Yourself Movement. After growing up in a home shaped by addiction, losing his younger brother at a young age, and navigating years of personal adversity, he turned his experiences into a mission to empower others to prioritize self investment, accountability, and the foundational habits that make lasting change possible.
